This is going to be longer form at some point when it all makes sense, but here we go.
I’ve often written about how one of the hardest moments of my father’s passing was finding the blank notebook I’d hoped he’d turned into a journal.
My father was a hard man to know. It must have been maddening to some. But after going through his office over the last year, in some ways I’ve gotten to know him better in death than I did in life.
I suppose a great many things have changed.
Not to mention, my entire world view has shifted. I’m now a father myself, with the same hopes, dreams, and worries as all of us. I often wonder what he thought about when faced with certain situations, problems, and opportunities.
But now I know some of those things.
I’ve seen how he managed and tracked his finances; where bad calculations were made and opportunities seized.
I’ve gotten a glimpse into how he organized himself, which to say, not very much. Maybe we’re more alike than I thought after all…
I found what he was sentimental about. Pictures of his family and holiday cards.
I was able to sense what worried him; turns out it was the normal stuff like health, bills, and legacy.
I’ve realized the blank notebook is now mine; to fill as I wish or toss away as so many other meaningless tokens collected between a lifetime of truly blessed moments.
And just like that “The Blank Notebook” is gone forever.